Tears of Yesterday
by Mystics Apprentice
Summary: FFVI: Celes Chere is young, innocent and determined when she first begins her training under Kefka Palazzo. But slowly things begin to change. She discovers that even the great and powerful make mistakes; mistakes that can be deadly to the entire world.


**Author's Note: **Hello, and thanks for stopping by to check out my story! This is my first work of fanfiction that I ever published on this site, though I've recently made a few revisions to it (fixed some grammatical errors, changed wording, etc). Anyway, this is a re-telling of the events prior to Final Fantasy VI from Celes's point of view within the Empire, and I have also written a prequel to this story titled "Knights of the Magitek Army", which can be found under my stories.

Despite the fact that this was published a couple of years ago, I still treasure it as one of my favorite stories to have written, and would love to hear your feedback on it. Reviews do authors wonders, and anyone who offers me any constructive criticism is greatly appreciated!

As always, a big thank you for reading! Enjoy :D

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Final Fantasy or any of its characters. All rights belong to Square Enix and other developers of the game.

I was frazzled; I knew I was already late, and from here it would take at least fifteen minutes to get through Vector and into the palace. That day was my first training session on my road to becoming a Magitek Knight. I hadn't met my trainer yet, all I knew was that he was newly made a commander and hadn't even been in Vector long, and wasn't very old. I wanted to give a good first impression, but I would be out on a training field, and I guess my high heels weren't such a good idea after all. And the longer I thought about it, wearing this long of a dress wasn't wise either, nor was the hair that I had pinned up with such care. No, I would have to look more casual, but casual was sometimes hard for me - I couldn't stand the masculine look!

"Celes!" Cid's voice called from downstairs. "Hurry up we need to go! Put away that silly ribbon, and let's get going or they won't admit you!"

Ha! How had he known that I was trying to dress too upscale? I ended up changing into a knee length clear blue dress (my favorite color) with matching boots, and at the very last minute I decided to let my hair down; I thought it looked better that way anyway.

Cid and I walked through downtown Vector, passing through crowded streets, mostly of shoppers peering through windows. I wondered if they thought, like I had, that the day was an exceptionally wonderful day and thought perhaps the market would think so too.

"Cid?" I asked him. "Do I really look okay? I mean, do I look okay enough for the first time I'm meeting someone?"

Cid chuckled to himself. "Well, it all depends on why you're meeting them."

"Cid!"

"Okay, okay, you look wonderful, Angel. Although your dress didn't really need to be so frilly, I think. Bear in mind that you're meeting a soldier, and you're about to go running in the dirt where you'll get really dirty. I'm willing to bet you'll probably wish you didn't have that dress on."

I studied Cid's face carefully, trying to decipher whether he was only kidding or not. He looked down at me, a warm smile on his face. I was fourteen then, and would be turning fifteen in the spring. I had lived with Cid ever since I could remember, and loved him just as any child would love a parent. He had been the only thing I had ever known, and for the most part I was pretty satisfied with what I had, but sometimes I yearned for a mother that I didn't have. Ever since I was young, I was told that I would be a great warrior one day, and that I was born to serve my country. I had sort of just accepted that as a part of fate, but as I grew older I began to doubt if that was really fate, for is a woman's place really on the battlefield? I had always wanted to be some kind of dancer, and a loving wife and mother, not really a dirty soldier.

Finally we reached the grand doors of the Vectorian palace. I looked up, not trying to be ridiculous, but wow, those cranes extended so high! I had never been this up close to the palace before, so I was simply in awe by its massiveness.

Cid reached over and squeezed my hand.

"I'll wait here, you need to start getting some independence on your own now. Go on up to that sentry over there and show him your pass. Once you get in ask someone for directions to Commander Kefka Palazzo's office."

"Kefka? Who's he?" I asked nervously. "And won't you go with me?"

He _knew _I was horrible at talking to people! Oooh, he made me so mad!

"I think you can handle it," he said calmly. "You're mature enough. I'll be right here. Go on now, Celes. You'll do just fine."

Just fine? Me? But alas, I had no choice; once Cid makes a decision, it's final. And I partly thought at fourteen, I ought to be getting over my shyness, so here went nothing.

I stumbled over to the sentry on wobbly legs, wringing my clammy hands together. Strangely enough the sentry didn't appear to even notice me at first, until I got right up close, and then he eyed me in a tired sort of way. He didn't speak, so I knew I'd have to go first. I shot a nervous glance over at Cid, who smiled broadly and nodded encouragingly.

"Excuse me, sir," I began timidly. "I'm a new trainee, you see… Just starting today actually."

The sentry sighed, and I could tell he was getting bored.

"And I was needing to get through - I mean - I mean I need to meet my new trainer at eleven o' clock sharp.

"Is he new too?" the sentry mocked in a dull tone. I was getting rather frustrated with the man at this point. Couldn't he see what I was getting at?

"I don't know," I replied hotly. "But anyway, here's my pass. I must meet him at his office, which is in the castle."

The sentry rolled his eyes but reached for my pass. I knew that was probably a dumb thing to say, but still! Couldn't they have nice sentries posted outside their doors, who understand that new trainees are always nervous on their first days, and at least smile and be considerate and helpful? Geez.

"Yes, Miss Chere, your pass is valid. Please wear it around your neck at all times within the castle grounds lest you be taken for an intruder."

"Yessir."

"No messing around either, kid. Do what you've gotta do while you're in there, no wandering around in the halls and getting into business you don't belong in."

Why how rude of him to criticize me like that! Again I glanced back at Cid, who smiled back and waved, as though he were enjoying himself!

"Now go on, I've got more important things to do." He ushered me inside.

At least that was over with; now I only had to find Kefka Palazzo. Oh, I sure hoped he wouldn't be as bad as that sentry out there.

Vector was such a grand, vast, powerful empire, and true, the palace did indeed show greatness and power, but for some reason I always expected the people to follow suit. I was far from impressed by the staff, to say the very least.

No one smiled, no one spoke, no one helped or even acknowledged my presence. It was such a weird atmosphere of heartless, cold people. Not the warm, welcoming ones you would expect to see. Why, isn't apart of greatness kindness as well?

I debated on whom to ask first, looking for the nicest face I came upon. Finally I found a group of soldiers, all clad in armor and talking to each other. Their captain, a man about average height, with pale blonde hair and bright green eyes, was actually laughing with another soldier!

"Well, you must pardon ol' general Nicodemus, I'm sure he didn't mean to give false information." Then the captain added in a lower tone. "His age is finally catching up to him. Bless him, what I'd give to be that fit at his age."

I decided this was my chance. As they began to head my way, I walked up to the captain, as he seemed to be the most good-spirited out of the lot of rather jolly soldiers. Surely a man such as himself wouldn't criticize an innocent trainee on her first day in training, right?

"Excuse me, sir. I'm so sorry to bother you," I said, glancing nervously from each of the soldiers' dying smiles. The captain's smile had faded initially, but sensing my nervousness, he smiled vibrantly again and said, "Oh, that's quite alright, Miss. What can I do for you?"

Finally a person that was kind to me! There were a few murmurs from his group, and I caught one of them mutter something to the kind captain about "being late for a meeting." He waved a hand carelessly, as if brushing the entire matter aside.

"No worries; get our carriage ready. I'll be there shortly. Brad, I'm leaving you in charge," the captain said calmly, nodding to one of his men.

"Yes, General." And with that, the troop marched on.

So this man was a general! An even higher position than a captain. Perhaps all of the upper staff happened to be kinder than all the others, I had thought. Whatever the case, I was determined to be a kind-hearted soldier, no matter what!

"Well, er - I'm sorry if I'm keeping you. I'll look for someone else if you'd rather," I said brightly.

"Not at all, I have time," he replied, still smiling.

"Well then, you see, this is my first day here. I'm meeting with my trainer as I'm going to become a knight."

"Ah, I see. The first day is always difficult, but it'll get better, once you get used to it. Who's training you?" he asked casually.

"Kefka Palazzo, sir. Only trouble is, I'm supposed to meet him in his office and I've got no clue where that is. Could - could you help me?" I asked shyly. Again I sounded stupid! Maybe my next try would be better. I only hoped and prayed my trainer would be as kind as this general.

The general's smile faded momentarily, a look of surprise and concern took its place. Then he somewhat resumed his cheerfulness, although he did still seem a bit frazzled.

"Hmm, he doesn't train many. And those he does train don't tend to stay with him long."

He must've noticed my look of concern for he quickly added. "They don't get hurt or anything, they only get transferred is all, or simply drop out. Some people don't really realize how hard it is to be a soldier until they live it for awhile."

I was slowly beginning to see that for myself.

"Although I must say, it's not every day that a pretty young lady comes in here to be trained to become a soldier. May I ask your name?" His eyes began to move towards my pass.

"Celes," I answered. "Celes Chere. I live with Professor Cid Del Norte Marquez."

Something flickered in his eyes momentarily, although I couldn't quite decipher what it was. Pity? Concern? Both? Then he put on that radiant smile again.

"Yes, yes. I know Cid. A great man, yes indeed. And a very skilled scientist, too." He paused momentarily before adding, "and I've heard of you as well. It's wonderful to finally meet you in person, Miss Chere."

"Celes," I corrected. "Just call me Celes."

"Celes," he repeated fondly. " Well then, just call me Leo if you wouldn't mind. Hardly anybody does, and I rarely hear my own name these days."

He held out a hand to shake mine, which I immediately accepted. I was already fond of Leo; he was very polite and considerate, and I had wished he could've been the one to train me.

But I found it so odd that such an important, busy general such as Leo would remember my name out of the hundreds, probably thousands of trainees that had come and gone. Perhaps he'd heard that I had been augmented at a very young age? But surely many people had?

"Thank you, Leo," I said.

"Not at all. Now, if you'll just follow me, I'll take you to Kefka."

We had walked quite a ways through the palace. Down corridors, up elevators until thoughts protruding my mind could not be contained any longer.

"Umm, Leo. Can I ask you… Is Kefka, well, bad?" Again, another stupid comment on my part. Leo frowned, as if contemplating on how to answer that question.

"No, Kefka's not what you'd consider bad. In fact, I know him fairly well, he and I are good friends," he said this in the most indifferent tone. "I don't really know how to explain Kefka. You'll just have to see for yourself. There's nothing to be afraid of, usually."

Usually? What in the heck did that mean?

Leo led me to his office door and bid me farewell.

"I hope we meet again," I called after him. He smiled and nodded.

"I'm sure we will. See ya later, good luck."

"Thanks," I replied.

I needed all the luck I could get.

I knocked very softly on the oak door and waited, fidgeting with my necklace in the hallway. No response.

I knocked again a bit louder this time, and again no response. My heart skipped a beat. Could it be just my luck that he's not in there?

The door finally opened; I stood up straight and smoothed down my hair, but I think I had nearly gasped by what I had seen. The man who stood before me was not tall, young, or even middle aged, but old! The man looked at me with the most peculiar expression. I can safely admit now, I was terrified.

"Uhh, Kefka Palazzo, sir?" I asked shakily. The man looked at me a long moment, as though not registering what my words had meant, and then he laughed before reaching for my arm and pulled me in. My, what a strong grip he had for a man of his age!

"My young lady, you have greatly flattered me. Do I truly look young enough that you could mistake me for Kefka?" he spoke in a low, gravelly voice. I let out a breath; thank goodness he wasn't Kefka.

I wasn't quite sure how to react or respond until I heard another man's voice from behind me half-laugh as well.

"Yes, and what a sad state of affairs to be in when you can no longer recognize the young from the old."

I spun around to find myself face to face with Kefka Palazzo. No one had told me it was him, I could only somehow tell, and this was something more of what I had pictured him to be, only more… Surprising I guess. He was very tall, at least 6'2" or so, and very slender without much muscle build. I didn't think he could be a very strong soldier (unlike Leo). He had very long golden-blond hair that I hadn't realized how long it really was until he walked back over to the door to shut it that it went far down his back, and when he turned to face me I took in those deep, blue eyes. Blue eyes that spoke so much stronger than words ever could. They screamed out a deep trauma, a long-lived despair, as if a person were drowning amidst an ocean, and yet they had a deep desire for something. Perhaps out of an imprisonment?

He broke his gaze from mine, and until then I hadn't really realized how long I must've been staring at him. Immediately I felt my face flush out of embarrassment and I looked down.

"What nice company! Do you get these every day?" the old man asked Kefka, who was still standing by the door observing me.

He hesitated, as if not sure how to answer this man, perhaps the old man was off his rocker, I wondered?

"What? Trainees you mean? Rarely ever." Kefka paused a moment, then added. "I've got everything straightened out with the emperor, Nicodemus. You're forgiven, though I have to say, it wasn't easy convincing him that you didn't do it on purpose."

The man, whom I had presumed to be General Nicodemus, looked delighted.

"Ah, thank you, my boy. I knew you could do it. If anyone can convince the emperor of anything it would be you," he said.

"Don't make me a liar, Nicodemus. I hope to God you didn't really have anything to do with _that_ matter."

"No, of course not." Nicodemus appeared rather offended that Kefka would even assume such a thing, and he then turned his gaze over to me.

"So your trainee, eh? Didn't realize they came like this one."

Nicodemus was the only one that laughed at his own joke. "So, how old are you, young lady?"

Kefka looked rather impatient at this point.

"Fourteen," I replied quietly.

"Ah, they just keep coming in younger and younger. Prettier might I add too." General Nicodemus gave me a fond smile as he peered over his spectacles at me.

I could tell he wanted to talk more, but Kefka interrupted, "Why don't I send her into your office once I'm through with her, eh? Or better yet, want to train her for me?"

I had a feeling he was being sarcastic. Did he already not like me? But I had just gotten there! And all I had said was that I was fourteen. Perhaps I offended him when I thought Nicodemus were him… But I had no idea, I had never met him before! Perhaps he was just a grouchy person. Leo had sort of warned me about him, and I could see why. Initially I had thought that we'd get along great - guess my intuition isn't so good after all.

Nicodemus winked at me and stood up from the desk.

"Well, young lady, so long for now! Don't let this mean old bully intimidate you."

Kefka appeared rather perturbed by this statement, for as Nicodemus told him good-bye he continued to stare at the ground and simply nod in response. Now the two of us were left alone.

I began to twiddle with my hair as I usually did when I was nervous, waiting for him to make the first move. He was quiet a long moment, as he walked over to his desk and sat down. Finally he gestured for me to do the same, which I did immediately, in my haste half-tripping over the antique rug in the center of the room. How klutzy I am!

"Well, it is a pleasure to meet you face-to-face at long last, Celes Chere. I have heard much about you, and am honored that I have been nominated to train you. At first I wasn't sure how I was to train a little girl, but I see that you're hardly little. But let me forewarn you now, that being a soldier isn't any typical girl's business. It'll be rather hard -" He was quiet a moment, as he stared up at the ceiling, tapping a pen on the desk, almost as if debating whether he should really say what he was intending. " - if it'll even work at all. But considering you are rather gifted, I think we'll give it our best try. Now, you said that you're fourteen?"

"Yes sir," I replied, perhaps too quickly.

"I'll have to admit, I haven't trained many, and not so sure that I'm very qualified to train at all as I'm fairly new here myself. Your training in particular will be rather different than any sort of training that I've had experience with, which is what makes me think it might just work out."

I nodded politely, although I didn't have the slightest idea what he was talking about.

"The emperor has many plans for you, and if all goes as planned, you will very likely go down in history. I will do everything in my power to prepare you for this. However, just because you're a girl doesn't mean I'll go easy on you. The few that I have trained have ended up being very advanced in their combat skills, and I want to keep my record that way. Fail to keep up with my demand, and I will no longer be able to train you."

He went a little further into detail on what he expected from me, what our lessons would consist of, and so on and so forth.

I tried to seem as interested and polite as possible, though I didn't understand much of what he meant.

After I left our little meeting and I was told to come back in a week from then for my first training session (and Cid told me I'd be running in the dirt that day! Shows just how much he knows!) I met Cid back at the gates and told him everything that had happened that day, and how I had met General Leo, and how the whole staff seemed to be so bizarre.

"Why did everyone seem so cold today?" I asked him on our way home. "Are they always like that?"

Cid smiled that same fatherly smile and took my hand. "Well, it's a big world, Celes. And not everyone's going to be friendly in it."

"Yeah, but-" I got interrupted by Cid again.

"Perhaps I've sheltered you too much from the real world. I tried my best to raise you, I truly did. The world isn't just a peaceful, happy place, there is some of that to be found too, but it is also a terrible, evil place as well. There's some places in the world where some people don't even know what peace is. And, quite frankly, being a soldier you'll probably see a lot of the not-so peaceful places."

"But what about Vector?" I asked again.

We walked in silence for a moment as I awaited Cid's response. Finally he drew in a breath.

"Sometimes Celes," he began slowly, "even the great and powerful make mistakes."

(*)

The next few weeks were very rough, and I could hardly keep my head on straight. I had to leave the house by seven or so each morning, get through the morning cram packed traffic in downtown Vector, my lessons began at 8, and I was never, ever done before three. There was a whole lot more to training than I had guessed there would be, too. There were a lot of things to learn, mainly the rules and regulations of a soldier, Vector's policies and many important people within Vector that were associated with the empire (luckily I didn't have to meet any of them!)

I didn't start my real "training" on the field until my third or fourth day. And Kefka had been right, he did not go easy on me simply because I was a girl. It was rather hard to keep up with his pace. He had told me I would be practicing defense before we got to the offense, but wasn't I supposed to at least "try" to make an offensive move if the opportunity arose? I didn't even get that opportunity! In fact, I could barely get my sword or shield up in time to defend myself. Once when I just knew I couldn't block an attack I did a really childish thing by rolling in the dirt, away from his sword and covered my head with my arms, leaving my sword and shield forgotten where I had been standing originally. To my surprise, Kefka merely laughed and told me to get up, that move wouldn't save me against a merciless enemy, and that he knew if I couldn't manage to block something he wouldn't strike me anyway. Personally, I thought what I did was wise, as rumor has it that the sword was not Kefka's strong point, and to me, I didn't think he had all that much control over that sword at the time. That move saved me from him, and that's all that I was trying to accomplish.

I had discovered that being a soldier wouldn't be that easy. I never had thought that it would be, but I totally discovered in those few weeks that the battlefield was not my place. Every day I'd come home stiff, sore, bruised up and once in awhile I'd have a new cut from something or other. I know Cid was sometimes concerned when I'd walk through the door looking so tired and worn out. He often asked me how I was taking it, and of course I said fine, what else was I supposed to say? After all, it didn't exactly sound like I had a choice in the matter what with all of the talk that I had been predestined to become a soldier. The only thing that had constantly run through my mind was "Why me?"

I had seen Leo again, several times actually during my first few weeks in training. In fact, after my lessons were over he had taken some time out of his rather busy schedule to help me with a particularly difficult sword technique. My, what an excellent swordsman Leo was! I could instantly see the difference in quality between Leo and Kefka's skills. It had really helped me out a lot, all the extra time Leo spent teaching me. I had also found out that Cid knew Leo very well. In fact, he had known him since he was a young boy! Cid has been very proud at how Leo had excelled so far in his skills, and it isn't at all surprised that Leo obtained the title of general at age twenty-three, which is one of the youngest generals in Vectorian history. Leo was a very fun, interesting person to be around that always had some cool new story to tell. We became fast friends. We had a routine on every Sunday, when he was off duty and I was out of training, that we'd go out to lunch and catch up on all the latest news going on in our lives. Although I had to admit, Leo's personal life was rather dull.

Kefka on the other hand, I had found to be a rather unique person. Like Leo had said that day "I don't know how to explain Kefka, you'll just have to see for yourself." - he was totally right.

I had perceived Kefka initially to be emotionally unstable, friendly yet flighty, but he was in fact none of these things. His eyes deceived him well, I suppose. He was very opinionated, not flexible about things, and had a rather obnoxious mouth that did seem to have a very powerful effect on people. For some reason, everyone seemed to fear him, although I don't know why, unless it was just me, but I never felt intimidated by him. Even though he had a very strong personality, I wouldn't call him "harsh" or "cruel". Sure he was stern and tough during our trainings on the field, but he was never cruel and aside from that he was nothing but nice to me. During the middle of our day we'd take a lunch break, and he'd almost always have lunch with me unless the emperor needed him or he had a very important meeting to attend to. I always found these lunches very pleasant, as he was quite enjoyable to talk to - aside from all of the training/soldier talk.

I had learned that he was twenty-one, and had only completed his own training three years ago. So he meant it when he said he was fairly new there himself. Before that he had spent much time studying to become a scientist. I had asked him once why he didn't end up becoming one and he joined the government instead, and he'd simply told me that "Fate had chosen me elsewhere". That darn ol' fate again! I asked him if he liked working here, but he never answered my question, strangely. Maybe I had just dwelled on this subject too long, but I also had found it strange that Kefka had never elaborated on his past at all. All I had known was that he was orphaned as a young child and was raised in an orphanage for a good portion of his life. I noticed he didn't like to talk about it that much, so I tried not to mention it too often. Instead, he liked to ask about me. He asked me where I grew up, if I enjoyed living with Cid, and he sincerely wanted to hear my answers, too! I liked him much better once I got to know him more. Honestly, I was rather glad that I had him as a trainer over anyone else. I think he was what made my lessons so tolerable.

One day, months into my training he had finally asked me the question that I had expected him to ask me long ago.

"What do you think of becoming a Magitek Knight?"

We had just finished on the field and were now in the stands surrounding it. I was all hot, muddy and sweaty as I took a long drink from my water bottle, not ready to answer him yet. He was sitting in front of me where he had been taking notes on my progress; the notes, however, lay forgotten in his lap as he fixed his deep-blue eyes on me. I looked away as I usually did when he did that.

"I - I haven't ever really given it much thought," I lied, as I had really given it a ton of thought.

"Really?" His tone sounded incredulous.

I looked up to meet his gaze, and I know that my look must've deceived my words for then he said, "Don't feel ashamed; we all have our own opinions on things. I have only admired your determination and wondered if this was what you really wanted…" His words trailed off, awaiting my response.

"Well," I began uncertainly. "I had always had desires, and dreams… I don't know if being a soldier was in them for sure."

Kefka was quiet a long moment, then said, "So, you're saying this wasn't your first choice."

"Well, no -"

I had felt so stupid, why did he have to come out and ask me that? I had never told anyone how I'd felt before, nor my doubts in this entire empire. Kefka nodded, now looking at the ground.

"I remember when I was your age and felt the same way. But my loyalty to Cid, and a desperate need of belonging led me here."

I blinked. "What do you mean?" I asked

Kefka threw his long blond hair, which had been down, over his shoulder and fixed me with that piercing stare of his.

"I was on my way to becoming a scientist," he said, a bitter edge to the tone his voice, "until there were a change of plans and I had to give it up."

"Were you predestined to be a soldier too?"

He gave a dry laugh.

"In a way."

I didn't like it when he got this way, although it was rarely and the only other times it had happened was when I brought up his past. Oh, how had I been foolish enough to do it again?

Finally he spoke again, this time his voice much softer, if not saddened.

"Celes, did you know that I had been augmented?"

I stared at him, lost for words. Was he really? Surely I would've known by then; I had been around him so many times and not once had I seen him use a speck of magic.

"No, I didn't know," I replied finally. "Is it - is it rare to have done or something?"

"Rare? Why Celes, you and I are the only living souls that have ever been augmented - and probably the last two as well."

These words had quite an impact on me. So, that had explained everything. No wonder they had chosen Kefka to train me while he hadn't done much training and there were by far other better swordsman. He was to train me in magic as well as physical offense. I had wondered why no one had told me all of this before, or why Kefka hadn't mentioned it sooner. But I was finding out that I had to discover everything on my own, no one would ever tell me anything, not even when I asked. I felt like everyone was hiding some dark secret from me. Then another question began to form in my mind, and I began to ponder some of Kefka's last words…

"Why were we the only ones infused?" I asked him.

"That's a hard question, Celes. There are many different reasons that people have presumed. You have to understand that you and I are not like them anymore. We're different. Far more superior - and dangerous. Perhaps the emperor doesn't want too many of us running around. Maybe there aren't enough Espers to keep up with the infusions. Or maybe, which is what I think, is that two infusion attempts were made, and both times they were failures. I know Cid is firm about never infusing someone again for that very reason, and I'm not too sure the emperor wants to keep trying it out either."

"Failures? But we both have powers, don't we?"

He seemed slightly impatient with all my questions.

"There's more than that. Sure, we both have our powers, but what about our souls and bodies? I was quite nervous to meet you the first time, wondering if you would have some major fault in some way. Be defected, I suppose. But I was very happy to see you perfectly normal, whole and intelligent. I hope physically - or mentally, they'll never find anything wrong with you. From what I had heard from Cid, after the first time he had infused he had changed the process in hopes of a less faulty, risky procedure and he tested it on you. It appears that you are undamaged, but your powers had reached its peak the moment you were infused, and has slowly, bit by bit degenerated. Eventually, your magic will be so minimal that it'll be practically unusable. Unlike me, it took two years for me to even be able to do any ounce of magic, and over time it has only strengthened and will continue to do such."

I had to give myself a moment to take this all in. I wouldn't have my powers forever? That sort of bothered me, as I had always thought myself to be 'gifted', but I suppose that gift only lasted for a short period of time? Then another thought occurred to me.

"Then Commander Palazzo, if I might ask… If my powers are degenerating, but I myself am fine, and your powers are only increasing, what did the infusion do to you?"

A strange glint of light flickered in his eyes.

"No, you can't ask that question," he snapped. Kefka was silent for a long time as he stared off into the battlefield.

Just as I began to apologize he cut me off. "Perhaps some other time, Celes, I'll tell you. But not right now; now is just not the time."

I grinned at him, pleading with my eyes to forgive me, and forget I even asked.

He began to fiddle with his notes again, although I could tell he wasn't really reading them. He paused for a long moment on a page, though his eyes were not scanning it but resting at the top.

"So tell me," he said softly as I gathered my things to leave. "If you didn't have to be a soldier, what would you be?"

I blushed and felt like a fool when I answered him. "Well, I had always wanted to be a dancer."

Kefka didn't laugh, or say it was dumb, but merely nodded and smiled at me.

"And you would make a very good one," he said.

I smiled as a way of thanks for the compliment and quickly left the stadium.

(*)

"Cid, there's something I want to ask you," I began that evening at dinner. Cid had just come in from his lab and sat down at the table.

"Sure Celes," he said exhaustedly as he piled mashed potatoes onto his plate.

I fidgeted with my necklace as I usually did when I was nervous. Then I got up the nerve and said, "Is there something that you're keeping from me?"

He eyed me suspiciously, and then asked in a nonchalant tone, "Like what?"

"Well, I was talking to Kefka today -"

For a moment Cid froze and looked rather ill at ease. "What did he have to say?"

"He told me that he'd been augmented with an Esper, same as me. I had no idea."

"Oh," he was quiet for a moment, debating on what to say. "Hadn't I told ya that before?"

"No," I said quietly, anger slowly rising in me. It seemed Cid was hiding something from me, and whatever it was Kefka must've known something about it for he sure looked nervous when I had mentioned him.

"He was odd about telling me, almost as if he wasn't supposed to," I added, waiting for Cid to comment.

He took a long swig of his tea before answering me carefully.

"Well, there aren't too many people being infused, Celes."

"Yeah, I know. Only me and Kefka."

"Right, but that's beside the point. You see it's a very, very powerful thing to be infused with powers of an Esper, and the emperor likes to keep it rather quiet."

"But why?"

"For battle purposes, mainly," he said wearily. "Sort of like a secret weapon in a way."

"Am I meant to be a secret weapon?"

"Well, of course. Not in a bad way or anything. Now Celes, honey -" He smiled at me and reached over to grasp my hand that was resting on the table. "Try not to worry yourself, no one plans to harm you in any way. I would never allow that, you got me? Nothing bad is going on. Just keep up with your training. You're doing great, might I add. When did Kefka say you would graduate to a Magitek Knight?"

"In a few years," I replied dully, resting my chin on my hand.

I had wanted to believe Cid, and to trust in him, yet I was hesitant to, I still felt there was something going on.

A couple of years had passed and my training continued, although my heart wasn't in it the same way that it had been when I first started. My dreams and femininity became things of the past. I was fully accustomed to never wearing jewelry, make up or dressing up now, and was perfectly fine about breaking nails and getting dirty. I think even my personality had been affected in those two years. I had been shy, timid and very soft-spoken, but then I could hardly call myself shy, and I had become very outspoken. I think this had actually disappointed Cid much, as sometimes he'd walk into the dining room and ask me. "Where did my old Celes go?"

I had also become hardened, like all the other soldiers were. Cold, hardened and shut off from my emotions as well as others', and I felt a rage of anger in my heart. Cid, whom I once loved so dearly as a father, I began to hate. To hate him for what he forced me to become. I hated the emperor for arranging this 'fate' for me since I was a young child. Heck, I even hated Kefka for training me. I didn't hate Leo for some reason, as he seemed so far removed from it all.

One Sunday that we were meeting for lunch as we always did, I reserved a table for us and sat down with my arms crossed on the table, my head buried into them. I let out a soft moan, but stopped suddenly as I felt someone touch my arm. A gloved hand? Leo never, ever wore gloves. Especially not on his day off.

"Celes?"

I looked up and was even more surprised to see Kefka standing over me, a look of concern upon his face.

"Oh, hi," I said weakly, sitting up straighter.

We both stared at each other for a long moment before he asked if I minded if he joined me.

"Sure," I replied.

Kefka seemed rather more run-down than usual. He looked a bit pale, even his hair didn't seem to have the same radiance as it usually did, but instead was drawn back haphazardly, leaving some hair to stick out in places. His uniform was wrinkled, and he had dark circles under his eyes as if he hadn't slept in days. I looked at him quizzically before speaking. "Are you alright? You look tired."

Kefka's piercing blue eyes met mine, those eyes that spoke his feelings for him when he wouldn't admit to something.

"I _am_ tired," was his response.

"Your trip to Figaro didn't go well?" I further pressed.

I had been given a week off from training this past week due to Kefka being away on a conference meeting with the king of Figaro. I have to admit I was a bit surprised when I found out that the emperor had sent him and wouldn't go himself. But I soon found out that the emperor seemed too important to busy himself with meeting other people - royal or not. Kefka told me that the king of Figaro simply hated him, and too frequently he caught the Figaran soldiers making fun of him behind his back, so I figured that he must've just been exhausted from it all.

"No, it's not that. I came back Wednesday, by the way. But wanted to go ahead and give you the rest of the week off. You deserve a little break, too. No, I haven't been sleeping well lately, it's sort of taking its toll on me."

"You should take sleeping pills, then," I informed him.

He laughed. "You think so?"

"Sure, they work great. I've always had a good night sleep since I've started them," I replied.

His face fell.

"Celes, you're too young to be taking sleeping pills."

"No, I'm not," I said indignantly. "I _am_ sixteen, you know."

"I don't care, you shouldn't have to take them." He looked at me carefully. "Why are you taking them anyway?"

"For sleep, isn't that obvious?" I asked sardonically.

Kefka still didn't seem impressed, but shook his head, as if dropping the matter.

"Look, Celes, there's something I wanted to talk to you about…" he began.

I waited patiently as he fidgeted with his gloves, then his hair, and then he stared out the window.

"Sure," I said loudly, trying to remind him that I was still waiting. I really didn't hate him, now that I was around him. He was not the culprit for my enslavement. I had realized then, by watching him and seeing that he seemed so helpless, like I, before the emperor that he didn't have much to do with what was happening to me. For all I knew, he could've been just as trapped as I was. He did comment sometime back that "fate had chosen him elsewhere." Could it have been that same 'coincidental' fate that had chosen me as well?

"First, about your training," he began, carefully avoiding my eyes. "I was going over all that we've worked on, and I think you've covered everything. I was going to sign the papers over to the emperor tonight and have them initiated by him. Once that happens, Celes, you'll no longer be my trainee, but a real Magitek Knight."

Oh wow! This was it! I could hardly believe it! There was only one thing that disturbed me. If this was such great news, why did Kefka look so grave?

"One thing to bear in mind: at your knighting ceremony, when you sign those papers and are knighted, you are a Magitek Knight. That's it. No more debate can be made for thirty years. There is no backing out of it. The penalties are high. Can't tell you how many men we've got on a death sentence once we find them."

I nodded, I had known all of this. What was he trying to say?

He then leaned closer. "This is the decision of your entire life, Celes. Be sure that's what you really want to do before you sign that paper."

"I know," I said irritably. "Besides, if I don't have a choice now to leave, why are you even giving me this option? Like I can choose not to sign it at the knighting ceremony and just walk away."

He hesitated, not sure on where to go from there I'm sure, as I had a very valid point.

"Even if the emperor changes his policies and you don't like them, you can't leave," he then added in a much softer tone. "I don't want you to make the same mistake that I did. You can leave now, Celes. And I can help you."

Was I hearing correctly? I could leave, and he would help me? That couldn't possibly be happening! I must've been dreaming, I thought. No, none of it fit at all. Kefka coming to the restaurant, telling me to escape. Oh, but if it had been real it was a dream come true. Free! I'd be free at last!

I was lost for words.

But then, if I were free, where would I go? Surely the emperor would be looking for me, so I'd have to stay in hiding. I'd need money, so I would have to get a job as well. But what about Cid, and Leo, and Kefka… Kefka. What would happen to him if he were caught helping me to escape? Would he pay my penalty price? Probably, seeing as cruel as the emperor was. Something had finally struck me that I hadn't really grasped before.

My first day in the castle surprised me, for I hadn't expected the people to be so self centered and cold towards a newcomer. I should've realized then that this empire was being fed off of self-centeredness and brutality. Otherwise, how else could the people respond in such a way? Kefka had always played the role as the faithful, obedient commander of the emperor who condemned those who did wrong to the emperor, and always spoke so highly of the empire. But as I had gotten to know him better over the years, that persona has seemed to be rather false and nothing more than a facade. In fact, it seems whenever he gets the possible chance he'd actually try to warn me against the empire! Cid wasn't fond of the emperor either, I could tell that. He thought the emperor was greedy and power-thirsty, only unlike Kefka, he never came around and told me this. Probably because he knew I had no choice but to become a soldier, so he'd instead try to pretend the emperor was great, just like everyone else believed. I felt that sudden rage in my heart again, that rage that just made me want to rip someone to shreds with just my fingertips!

I swallowed hard.

"Are you trying to tell me -" I began, but got cut off by a cheerful voice call my name from behind me.

"Hello, Celes! Sorry I'm late, had to tell my cap'n a few things before I left. And Kefka, what a pleasant surprise… How are you? I thought you hated this place," Leo said brightly, patting me on the shoulder and shaking hands with Kefka.

I honestly wouldn't have been surprised if the reason Leo loved this place was because Kefka hated it. They used to be great friends, as I heard from Cid. But they had come to a disagreement one day, and hadn't gotten along too well ever since. They still used the terminology of 'friends' but you could tell there was an uneasiness when in each other's company. However, I had never seen them argue and they were always very civil to each other - or at least when I was around they were.

I knew then that our conversation was over. Kefka wouldn't dare mention a word of his disobedience to the emperor within Leo's earshot. Leo would report Kefka and have him sacked - or worse - in a heartbeat.

"I'm just fine, Leo. Thanks for asking," Kefka replied, withdrawing his hand, then further added, "and I _do_ hate this place. I only came looking for Celes to give her the good news. But of course you must've heard?"

"Sure did," Leo replied, giving me a radiant smile. "Congratulations Celes! That's just great! I'm trying to arrange your commander with the emperor. I've picked out just the guy, I think you'll really enjoy him."

A look of distaste darkened over Kefka's face. Had he made other plans for me, perhaps?

Leo then turned to Kefka.

"Kefka, why don't you join us? Everything's on me," he offered, from what I thought quite genuinely. For one sporatic moment, I had hoped Kefka would accept. I wished the two of them would make up and be friends again like they used to back when I met them. Then we could all have Sunday lunches together, oh how nice that would've been.

Kefka tilted his head, contemplating Leo's offer a moment, and then sighed and began to rise.

"No, I'm sorry, Leo. I promised Nicodemus I'd have a little chat with him and I would hate to disappoint him." Kefka then turned to me. Our eyes locked briefly, and he then nodded in my direction.

"Not to worry, we'll talk later, Celes." He paused, and then added as a sort of afterthought, "There's just one more thing I need to review with you. Meet me tomorrow, same time, same place, okay? Should only take a couple hours or so. And Leo, my friend -" Kefka shook his hand once more. "I'll see you again soon."

With that, Kefka left our table, his long cloak billowing behind him.

Leo stared after him a long moment, an odd glint in his eye, then he sat down across from me.

I smiled nervously, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear, hoping Leo wouldn't ask me what it was that Kefka needed to review with me. I couldn't be completely sure, but hopefully he meant to resume our conversation.

Leo gave me an odd look, but what he said caught me by surprise.

"So he finally told you, eh?"

Oh God, how to respond to that!

"Er - told me what?" I asked, hoping and praying he wouldn't hear the guilt in my tone.

"About what that infusion did to him? I know he hadn't wanted to tell you for a long time, and it probably hurt for him to tell you today, but I've been sort of pressuring him to tell you _now _before you find out on your own -"

"Hang on Leo!" I exclaimed, without meaning to say it so loud. "No, Kefka hasn't said anything about what his infusion did. In fact, I asked once."

Leo blinked. "Oh, and what did he say?"

"He - well, he didn't want to talk about it, so I never asked him again," I muttered quietly.

He would've known what it had done, wouldn't he? I doubt Cid was out to protect Leo like he was me. Cid still had fathered me too much, and still tried to shelter me as best he could, though by then I really had thought it to be a lost cause. A soldier-to-be can hardly be sheltered from the evils of the world.

The first question that formed in my mind came bursting out of my mouth before I could give it much thought.

"Is it life threatening?" I asked seriously.

Leo hesitated, watching other soldiers off duty being seated at another table.

"I can tell you're stalling out, Leo Christophe. Now tell me, please," I pleaded, and further added, "Come on, I promise I won't let it leak out that you told me."

Leo chuckled and grinned at me.

"Sorry, shouldn't have brought it up I guess. I really think Kefka ought to be the one to tell you. I don't think it's my place to say." He grinned at me in a teasing way. "Are we still friends?"

I laughed, throwing my head back the way I always had. This made Leo give me a true smile.

"Now that's more like the real Celes I know," he said cheerfully. "Relax and stay awhile, will ya?"

I gave a false smile, while my insides were really churning with anxiety. What else was Kefka keeping from me? Furthermore, what could that infusion have done to him that was so drastic that I'd find out soon on my own? This just made me increasingly nervous.

Leo must've noticed I seemed troubled, for he tapped my arm tenderly.

"Your ceremony isn't going to be a little thing, you know," he began, pausing a moment to tell the waiter that he'd like some coffee. "The emperor is inviting many important people. Cid will be there as well, and of course Kefka. I'll be out of town for the next few weeks but I'll tell Kefka to send word when your ceremony will be and I'll be back for it. I promise."

"Out of town? Where are you going? Don't tell me Figaro?" I asked.

The waiter came back with our coffees. I began to cream mine. Leo always drank his coffee straight. "Like a true soldier" he would always say. Then he'd make fun of the way Kefka would drink his.

"We're always on our second cup by the time he finishes even _stirring_ his," Leo would say. "But then I guess it'd take me awhile too if I liked four spoons of sugar and only a little coffee to go with my cream."

He'd get the whole table of soldiers laughing. I half-laughed too, for it was funny the way Leo would put it. But I rather felt sorry for Kefka; people very brutally made fun of him behind his back. I knew that he knew about it to a certain extent, but I sometimes wondered if he knew just _how _much.

"No, not Figaro. That's Kefka's region. I don't go there. Bless him, those people nearly spit as bad as their camels." He laughed, and then went on, "I'm going to Doma. The emperor had a disagreement with their king last year, and ever since we've been trying to straighten things out. I haven't gotten too far yet, but this time I've got a peace offer that they'd be crazy to refuse."

"Oh, well good luck. Hope it works for you," I said encouragingly.

"Oh me too, Celes. You won't believe how relieved I'll be once we get this one settled. I feel sorry for our men, feel sorry for theirs. It's just not fair to anybody how much fighting has been going on."

"Have you been in any of the fighting?" I asked worriedly.

Leo shook his head. "Nope, for if I had, it wouldn't have happened in the first place."

"What was the disagreement about?" I asked curiously, wanting to learn some of the politics and how wars began.

Leo shrugged, observing the menu that he long ago memorized.

"Ah, it doesn't take the King of Doma much to get himself into a tizzy," Leo responded. "All we said was that we wanted to use the Serpent Trench to quickly get our troops from continent to continent, but Doma didn't like the idea. Because the Serpent Trench is apart of their land, they feel they have the right to stand up for it."

"So why didn't we back off?" I further pressed.

"There's more to it than that, though. Doma just doesn't like Vector. They haven't ever since Gestahl began to rule. Some say he murdered his own brother just so he'd get the throne, which is absolutely ludicrous, let me tell you. But Doma is ready and willing to believe anything they hear that makes Emperor Gestahl a bad ruler, and person in general."

I really didn't think Doma was the only one. I was beginning to be under the impression that an awful lot of people weren't fond of the way Emperor Gestahl was going about things.

(*)

The next day came, and Leo left for Doma. He gave me a kiss on the cheek before getting into the carriage.

"I'll be seeing you soon," he said softly.

I smiled. "You take care of yourself now," I ordered him. "I don't want to hear of you getting hurt, you understand?"

He grinned. "Well, now that you've given me an incentive, I'll try to stay out of harm's way."

Just then, a man with jet-black hair that was slicked back, in a red-and-black uniform approached us. His uniform, however, was a little more formal than what I'd seen soldiers normally wear. On his chest I noticed he beared a golden badge with an emblem. Of course I hadn't known what it meant.

"Oh, Celes," Leo said abruptly, turning to face the man, who I couldn't help but notice had the queerest expression on his face, as though deep down he simply detested Leo. "I want you to meet Marcus Gilfiroyd. He's the Emperor's prime minister."

Oh! So this was Gilfiroyd! I had heard much about him, but had never met him. He might've been almost handsome had he not had that ugly scowl upon his face. I nodded politely.

"How do you do, sir?" I put on my false, glowering smile that thrilled many, but he seemed the least bit impressed, if not disappointed.

"_Who _is this?" he demanded in an icy tone that sent chills down my spine.

Leo looked rather uncomfortable too, as his tone seemed nearly impatient.

"This is Celes Chere, remember her? _The_ Magitek Knight?" He put quite an emphasis on 'the', I noticed.

Gilfiroyd studied me carefully.

"Oh, this is Palazzo's trainee? Why am I not the least bit surprised? He is such a weakling that I'm amazed he even qualified to train this girl. But I suppose that being said, he only had the capability of training a female, so it's acceptable that she's weak."

Leo laughed nervously in his carefree way, and then he said, "I think you've got this girl wrong, Marcus. She's as tough as nails, and her skills are _much_ bigger than her bark!"

I admired Leo for speaking up for me against the prime minister himself. He had said it with such pride, too.

"Oh well, no matter," Gilfiroyd said coldly. "I only think the emperor was a fool to put Palazzo on our team at all, let alone promote him to the status of Commander! But it isn't my position to make the final decisions so -" He looked me up and down, and then turned to the driver. "Let's be on our way now, shall we?"

After the prime minister entered the carriage, I asked in a hushed voice to Leo. "Why is he going?"

Leo sighed. "The emperor thought it best if I brought him along."

"I see."

"Yeah, you too huh? Well we'd better hit the road, see ya, Celes."

"Bye Leo."

As I headed for the practice field where Kefka and I were going to be meeting, I pondered the thought that the emperor must be insane for choosing that man as his prime minister. Why, he was worse than the emperor himself! Well actually, I hadn't technically met the emperor yet, so I couldn't say for sure. Yikes; that was a scary thought!

I found Kefka already at the field. He still looked worn down as he had the day before, but at least his hair was pulled back nicely and his uniform wasn't wrinkled.

He seemed to be deep in thought as I walked up to him.

"Hello, you're early," he said pleasantly, glancing up at the clock on the wall.

"Yeah, I am… sorry. Leo had just left so I thought I'd head over here." I then added in a low voice. "We aren't _really_ going to be training, are we?"

Kefka shook his head; part of his long golden-blond bangs fell from the intricate tie he had his hair in.

"No, I just wanted to talk to you. But, knowing Leo, he'd jump the gun if I had said that. He left, you say?"

"Yeah."

"Good, No interruptions then."

We stood there quietly for a moment, the cool autumn breeze blowing our blond hair of very different shades playfully. I spoke first.

"Kef - I mean, Commander Palazzo, if I may ask you something…"

"Kefka is fine," he interrupted. "You don't need to call me commander."

He didn't elaborate, nor tell me no that I couldn't ask him a question, so I continued on.

"Thank you. I - well… Ever since you told me that you too had been infused, I've been simply dying with curiosity to know… well… what it did to you." I paused, and then added quietly. "Leo had thought you had come looking for me to tell me."

He raised his head alarmingly.

"No, no," I said quietly. "Once Leo found out I didn't know he refuted it quickly. Leo's not the type to give out other's personal information."

He scoffed at this, but I chose to ignore it and went on. "Please, I mean, maybe it'll have some benefit to me. For example, if I came down with any of those symptoms -"

"You haven't!" he cried in a rather offended tone. "You haven't, and you never will! It was only something that went wrong with me, you hear? I thought I had already told you that."

He sighed, and then looked my way. Our eyes met and locked for a long moment. He then said in a very soft, indifferent tone, "Cid had never wanted to infuse anyone again after what it had done to me. He didn't want to lose someone else in the same manner."

"Lose…?" I began, but stopped as he cut me off.

"Celes, I'm trying to tell you. Please don't interrupt me until I've finished."

I pretended to zip my lips shut and smiled at him. He then went on, "Now, how exactly, or why it's happening, I don't know. Cid has done much research and even he cannot figure it out." To my surprise, he grasped my hands tightly, and then continued.

"We didn't know any possible side effects, as I was the first one to be infused. It was being tested out on me, I guess. But I had first noticed signs of it about a year after my infusion, and I had no idea what it meant. Cid did however, for he immediately sent me straight to his lab where he ran many tests. That's when I had confirmed his greatest fear, something that had only had a 2% chance of occurring indeed had, and he was horrified. He didn't want to tell me, didn't want to think about it himself. That had made me pretty mad, because I really sort of wanted to know if I'd be dying in the next hour or not, what with the way he was acting I could only assume the worst - I wasn't expecting what he would say next." He took in a breath.

"I am deteriorating Celes. My mind is, at any rate. You see me look worn from time to time, that is why. I don't even quite realize it's happening sometimes."

I could only stare at him for a moment, lost for words. He elaborated.

"Not physical wear on its own, but caused from my mental state. I try to ignore it, pretend it's not going on. But I know it is and my days as me being myself are limited. How limited, I don't know. But -" he faltered, "- What I'm trying to say Celes is I won't be here forever, even if I am physically."

It couldn't be true, it just couldn't be. Not Kefka. He was so stable, so powerful, yet he was being weakened and sooner or later he would be gone forever, only not dead. I guess I was wrong to assume the worst would be life threatening, as descending into insanity seemed far worse than death. I finally found my voice, although it quivered slightly when I spoke.

"But - but what'll happen to you? Will you just go insane?"

He rubbed his temple, frowning at my question. Not in frustration, but trying to come up with his answer.

"I don't know," he said finally. "Cid thinks I'll just become a madman. But I don't really think so. You see, the reason I can never sleep isn't because I'm just restless, it's these dreams. Dreams of a sinister clown haunting my thoughts, my actions, my feelings… And once I wake up, it feels as if that clown's presence still exists. As if this evil clown is trying to overpower me. And what's more -" he paused briefly, as if debating whether he should really add this, "Is there's times where I don't even remember when I had done something someone told me I had done. Hours could pass in a day that I didn't remember. Not all of the time, very infrequently actually, but it's happened. That's how Leo and I got into such a disagreement. He said that _I_ had sent Magitek Armor suits to destroy Maranda when I _knew_ I wouldn't do a thing like that, so I denied it and he didn't believe me and got pretty mad. Later on, I found out I really did, and went to apologize to Leo. But no, he was too arrogant to accept it; he thought I was finally confessing to what I'd done and had begun to feel remorse. Yeah… remorse that I was still in command."

" I had debated resigning for a long time, only when I brought this to the emperor he absolutely refused it. He wanted me to stay, sane or not, apparently. But this is why I want to warn you, don't trust me forever."

"Wh - you mean, you don't think that you're simply losing your mind?" I asked confusedly.

Kefka slowly shook his head.

"Not really. It's almost as if someone, or something, were taking over me… Although honestly, I can't imagine how. Neither can Cid, he simply thinks it's apart of my insanity"

I bit my lip and looked down. How each of his words wads like a painful blow to my head! It was just too much to take in. I didn't want to imagine him gone, not when he and I had such similar views and feelings on the empire. And after he said he could help me leave - for a moment, just one, I had imagined us leaving this place together. Starting new lives, and making up for all the time we had lost. For the first time in a long while, I had actually felt tears swell in my eyes!

"I - I don't really know what to say," I stuttered, "But - my God… I had no idea, Kefka…"

He bowed his head, looking at the ground.

"I'm so sorry. About - well, how long do you think you have?"

"I've no idea. Perhaps, just maybe it'll never come to that… But I just wanted you to know, that's all."

A long silence erupted between us. All that could be heard was the cheerful birds chirping, the wind rustling the leaves of the trees, and children crying out in joy as they played tag along the side of the courtyard. How I longed to be cheery and joyful again like those children; it seemed as those my dreams were melting around me for good. I looked up at the sky and remembered a day almost exactly like this one. Another Autumn day, when I was only a child. Young, innocent and ignorant as I walked up the steps to this place, right into the hands of my enslavers; the ones who had created a 'fate' for me and brainwashed me to think that I was predestined for this position. No, I knew now that I was not predestined, but drafted. They chose my destiny for me. It was a day just like this one that I had walked down the streets of downtown Vector, as happy as any girl could be, anxious and full of energy to become what I had been predestined to do. How much older I was now. But it wasn't only age of years, but of knowledge and wear as well. I looked over at Kefka; how much he had changed since that day that took place two years ago as well. The day we had first met. Had I realized what he eyes were trying to tell me then, maybe I wouldn't have had to suffer this heartbreak.

"There's more that I wanted to talk to you about," Kefka broke into the prolonged silence. I looked up to meet his eye, as I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I embarrassedly wiped my cheek with my sleeve as Kefka handed me a handkerchief. I took it indifferently. He smiled at me.

"Don't worry, I've never used it. It's only for decoration. Now why I'm decorating my pocket, though, I don't know."

I smiled in return, and he went on. "I know I mentioned briefly about your ceremony yesterday."

"Yeah," I replied oddly, rubbing my cheek.

"You must tell me honestly, how do you feel about being a soldier?"

I laughed. "You know, this sounds just like a conversation we had a few years ago," I commented, although he was still awaiting my response. I decided to risk it and tell him the truth.

"I've really given it a lot of thought, and I don't think the battlefield is my place. Nor do I feel this empire is, either."

Kefka's face lit up.

"Do you really feel that way?" he asked intriguingly.

"Of course! This place is flawed! I can see right through the emperor, and he's just rotten to the core!" I cried, letting my emotions that I'd been holding back through our entire conversation out at last.

Kefka chuckled. "You haven't even _seen_ the emperor yet."

I shrugged impatiently.

"But yeah, I see your point, and if you wanted to make your getaway… now's the time to do it. For after the ceremony, once you've signed those papers, that's the end of it. It'll be much harder to escape. If you left now and fled to non-imperial territory, what would the empire say to back up their thorough search in their lands? If you were indeed a soldier, it would make things much more complicated."

"Will you help me?" I asked without a moment's hesitation.

"Sure,"

"Will you come with me?"

He hesitated slightly; I think I had caught him by surprise.

"Celes," he said very carefully. "You know my predicament, and I just don't think you would be safe -"

"I'm not afraid of you," I said quietly.

"Oh, that's quite offensive. Everyone's afraid of me," he said half-chuckling.

"Kefka, this is not funny, I'm being serious."

"Kefka straightened up and studied me thoughtfully. Gauging from the look on his face, I don't think this was something that he even had considered.

"You… really want me to go with you?" he asked, his voice strangely muffled. I nodded seriously.

"You're trapped here as well as I am," I said, "and I can't just go off starting a new life knowing that you're being tortured into something you don't want. I'm not worried about Leo, since I know he's happy here, and it was his choice too. Cid is okay too; he's only a scientist working for the emperor. And who knows," I added thoughtfully. "Maybe leaving this environment will do you some good."

I hoped he would say yes. I wouldn't let him go insane, it just wouldn't happen if we left!

"I - I'm really honored that you care so much," Kefka said, his voice cracking. "I care the same for you, Celes. That's why I feel it so important that you leave. Please don't be hurt, I want to come with you, and maybe eventually I will -" he faltered again. " - but I can't go, for many reasons. I'm sorry."

I looked down, trying to hide the disappointment on my face from him, and nodded. "I understand."

I felt him touch my hand, and with his free hand he pulled my chin up to look at him.

"Please know," he said in barely more than a whisper, "that I do care, and always will. Sane or not."

~(*)~

I wasn't sure which was worse: staying as a soldier in misery, hating my job, hating my life, and watching everyone around me that I cared about suffer, or leaving Vector entirely and my whole past behind me. It was especially painful to leave Kefka, especially after everything he had said…

My knighting ceremony was to take place three weeks after our previous discussion. He had come up with an entire escape plan for me, and even went as far as to purchase my ship tickets that I would need in order to get to South Figaro (that's where he stationed me, in hopes that f he ever got the chance he'd stop in and visit me during one of his trips to see the King of Figaro), bought me new clothes that the South Figarans wore, and gave me quite a large sum of money. I had tried to refute it, but he insisted on giving it to me.

"I want to know that you're safe and well," he had told me. "Not starving somewhere because I was too stingy to give you enough money."

I had been supposed to leave in only a few days, but I was still quite nervous about it all the same.

That was when that terrible, terrible day came.

I was in the palace just coming from the field where I had been practicing, when I found Kefka leaving Leo's office. He didn't even seem to notice me as he paused at Leo's office door, seeming rather confused by something, and then went on down the hall in the opposite direction of me.

"Hey, Kefka! Wait up!" I called, rushing over to him.

He turned to face me, still acting indifferent.

" I wanted to talk to you about Wednesday," I said in a lower tone. He looked impatient with me, almost annoyed.

"What about Wednesday?" he snapped, as I backed up in surprise to his reaction. Why was he mad about it?

"Well," I began nervously, "if anyone caught you helping me leave, wouldn't there be a huge price for you to pay?"

He frowned. "I'm not _helping_ you leave. Leave for where?"

I started to grow impatient with him, thinking that he was simply kidding me.

"Kefka, stop it! I'm being serious. To South Figaro; do you not remember - " And then I froze, looking him up and down. Kefka was not acting himself; even his demeanor seemed to be entirely wrong. Then a tremendous fear flooded over me - perhaps this really _wasn't _the Kefka I knew that was standing before me, but instead the psychopath that he was becoming!

It was scary, to say the very least. I had never seen him this way before. He was so harsh towards me, as if he didn't even know me.

An odd smile curved the edges of his lips. "Leaving, eh? I doubt the emperor would want you doing that," he said in a rather obnoxious tone.

"Kefka, stop it I realize you're not yourself, so just forget I ever -"

"Forget? How could I ever forget? I bet you wish, don't you? But ah - the emperor simply must know about a possible escapee. We wouldn't want someone as important as you running around on the loose, now would we?"

My heart skipped a beat.

"Kefka… Please no. You wouldn't… You don't know what you're doing to me – to yourself!"

Kefka laughed a cold, high-pitched laugh that sent chills down my spine.

"Myself? I don't see how this could affect anyone but _yourself_, Miss Chere. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some very important things to tell his majesty."

This was like a dream come true - a very, very bad dream! I had to stop him from telling the emperor somehow, or at least distract him until he came back to his senses again. Kefka always told me that these little incidents never lasted long. Like a fool, I desperately grabbed his arm and tried to reason with him.

"No, Kefka! Please!" I breathed.

He whirled around, glaring at me.

"Shut up, you foolish girl!" he cried in a maniacal sort of way. "You will never, _ever_ be successful! Ever! I _will not_ have you around to threaten my career, my status!" He shoved me back, sending me reeling to the floor. "Just because you were infused as well doesn't mean we are equal."

"Kefka, knock it off! What's wrong with you?" I nearly shrieked, getting in front of him.

He was less merciful this time, and using a spell, sent me once again meeting the floor. Everything blacked out as I crippled on the ground.

~(*)~

I felt someone put a damp, cool rag on my forehead. My body ached all over, as I slowly came back to my senses. Everything that had happened was coming back to me.

"Celes?"

I slowly opened my eyes and nearly jumped back to see Kefka sitting beside my bed, except he didn't seem maniacal as he had earlier that day. His eyes were much softer; his expression held a look of great concern and he was crying! I had never seen Kefka get emotional before, let alone cry right in front of me. His reactions right then and there told me that he knew what had gone on that day, and he was just as unhappy about it as I was.

Neither of us spoke; we only communicated through our eyes as we usually did when something terrible was troubling us that we didn't want to speak of aloud.

Minutes passed, and we never said a word. He was trembling and was at first even afraid to look at me. When he finally spoke his voice was quite horse.

"My God, Celes. I'm so, so sorry." He drew in a breath and began to examine a deep cut on my arm. "I cannot believe that happened. I'm so furious with myself! This is exactly why I didn't want to go with you, I am dangerous now."

I shook my head, perhaps a little too violently for my current state.

"I'm okay really. It was only a lit spell, it could've been much worse." The way he flinched after I said that I doubt that he agreed that it could be worse. "I know it wasn't your fault, I was fool-hearty to believe I could stop you."

He had told me the few things that had occurred during my unconsciousness. Cid was very distraught by what happened and suggested that he stay as far away from me as possible, lest he should lash out at me again. And worst of all, he did indeed tell the emperor of our plans.

"At first I had no idea that I told him," Kefka said apologetically. "Until he came up to me and asked me if I knew more details on when you were leaving. Initially I thought he must be a mind reader, because I mean seriously, how did he know you planned to escape? So I asked him what he was talking about, and as he told me what I had said it slowly all started to sink in – I realized that I had told him you were going to leave. I immediately tried to talk him out of it, I really did, Celes. I told him that I must've had one of my boughts of insanity again and that you had never told me anything of the such. I don't think he believed me, however, for he tightened security all around Vector and now no one can leave the city without first passing a security guard and showing them some form of ID. So now it looks almost impossible for you to escape, unless we can really fool the guards. Something of which that is highly unlikely, considering they're already on the lookout for you."

And that was the end of that. Our last resort of escape was gone. There was nothing left for me to do.

A week later, Kefka had sent word to Leo down in Doma to inform him when my knighting ceremony was to be held. Cid had taken me out to buy a new dress for the special occasion, telling me that there would also be a banquet after the signing of the papers and the knighting.

Kefka was nervous to be around me after that incident; I guess afraid that he might just go berserk again. I was still rattled from it, and it took a bit to recover fully from. I had never seen Kefka use his magic until that day - only I never dreamt that the first time I'd see him use it would be on me.

He fervently apologized to me time and time again, swearing that he would never have any intent on harming me. Now I had seen the other version of Kefka for myself, only it was hard to decipher whether he was simply going mad and out of control, or if something bad really had taken over him. All-in-all, it was so disturbing to see him that way. Cid indeed was mad at him, and wouldn't let him in his house anymore. If Cid ever had anything to deliver to the palace, which was pretty frequently, he paid a sentry boy to run it up, when ordinarily Kefka would offer to do it for free.

I hadn't really realized this before, but Kefka was quite fond of Cid, and I think it hurt him greatly that Cid no longer believed in him. I could see it on his face, and the way he had told me that he had been infused for Cid's sake and how he was in training to be a scientist under Cid, they must've had a very special relationship at one time. But just like Leo and Kefka's relationship, Kefka's glitches of insanity tore him and Cid apart as well. I wondered if Kefka and I would eventually be torn apart, too.

Finally, the night of my ceremony arrived. After many hours of getting ready, I collapsed on my bed, staring up at the ceiling fan. I battled the tears that were forming in my eyes, for it would make my mascara run and I'd hate to go to the ceremony with swollen eyes. I didn't want to attend the ceremony; if all had gone as planned I wouldn't still be in Vector. I tried to phase all of these things out of my mind, as it was over now, I was left with no choice. I'd have to live up to that damned fate after all.

Cid went to the palace with me at a quarter till eight. Eight o' clock was when my ceremony was scheduled to begin. I had butterflies in my stomach, and my fingers tingled with nerves.

Once we reached the main hall leading to the throne room, we had found Kefka, dressed his best, pacing the carpeted hall, his long cape of black velvet flowing behind him. He stopped when he noticed us, and greeted us with a welcoming smile as he walked over to us.

"Hello," he said warmly, moreso directed to me rather than Cid. "At first I didn't recognize you, what with the way your hair is and all. You look as if you were going to a ball."

I blushed, feeling embarrassed by his remark.

"Maybe I overdid it?" I suggested, smoothing down the hair that took so long for me to curl.

"No, not at all. You look beautiful."

I couldn't even thank him for the compliment. I only, feeling shy for the first time in a long while, could look down and smile to myself.

Kefka led us down the hall into the throne room itself. I had never actually been in there until then. And there, sitting on the throne before me, was none other than Emperor Gestahl himself. He wasn't at all what I had expected him to be like. From what I had heard of him I had expected to see a man similar to the one who was prime minister, but the emperor seemed a bit softer in appearance. He was quite old, probably in his mid to late seventies. He was average height, with an average build as well. He looked rather troubled when we entered.

"Highness," Kefka began, taking my hand and leading me up the velvet carpeted steps to the emperor. "I would like to introduce you to Celes Chere; the very talented woman who will be joining us as a Magitek Knight."

Emperor Gestahl studied me with a critical eye, and then nodded. When he spoke his voice was deep and harsh.

"Ah, you have changed much since I had seen you as a young child," he said. "I am very happy to welcome you into my Empire. I have seen your skills from afar, you are very talented."

"Thank you, your majesty," I paused. "Y-you have seen me before?"

He chuckled, but not in a friendly way. "Yes, I have. But this is the first that I'm meeting you. I had seen you when you were very little, long before your infusion, and periodically since then. It is very nice to meet you face to face at last."

Kefka led me away over towards the side of the room and pointed out one of the stained glass windows.

"That's the banquet hall," he informed me as I peered out the window. "We specially chose the decorations for you, I hope you'll like it."

I nodded and thanked him, my voice still shaky from nerves. I glanced around the room, but Leo was still nowhere to be seen. Where was he? Surely he hadn't forgotten? I hadn't seen the prime minister there, either. So I assumed they must just be running late.

General Nicodemus walked up and greeted me. Many captains and commanders that I hadn't a clue as to who they were did as well.

I felt stupid, honestly. Being in a room with abunch of soldiers, and I, the newest recruit, dressed all frilly, with my hair curled and put together in a difficult style, standing before them as the center of attention. I think I had held my breath throughout the entire thing. First there were the papers to be signed by me, the emperor and the prime minister. But the emperor grumbled that since the prime minister were not present, a general would be signing the papers instead. Nicodemus gladly took the pen and signed them. Then I was to be knighted by the emperor. It was the same as any knighting ceremony would have been, with the emperor taping my shoulders with the sword of the emperor himself. Then I bowed and the emperor announced me a Magitek Knight. Many people clapped and cheered, Cid was crying as he clapped the loudest of all. I had spotted Kefka and noticed actual tears in his eyes. Only they weren't tears of joy, I could see that by his expression, but tears of sorrow. Sorrow that I was still here, and probably would be here for as long as I lived. I wanted him to know that it wasn't his fault, that I was just as much to blame as he was. It never would've even been possible had he not done everything he had to help me.

We had then gone on to the banquet hall, and still Leo and the prime minister hadn't arrived! I expressed my concerns to Cid, who I was nearest at the time. He laughed.

"Don't worry, Celes. I'm sure Leo didn't get lost. He'll probably be here any minute."

That's what I had thought - an hour ago.

After we were all seated and served, Kefka, who was sitting across from me, proposed a toast in my honor. Everyone declared an affirmative, but before anyone managed to sip from their glasses, a wounded soldier, bloody and limping, burst in. The maid who had been serving us gasped and rushed off for a nurse.

Kefka rose, but Nicodemus was the first on his feet and over to the wounded soldier, who had been supporting himself by a column.

"Your majesty-" The soldier gasped. "I - have come from Doma… G - general Leo… he sent me here."

There were many murmurs at the table. The emperor raised a hand to silence them.

"So I see. Did General Leo have a message for me?"

The soldier gasped for breath, trying to collect himself well enough to speak.

"Yes, your Majesty. He told me to I - inform you… Our camp in Doma has been attacked. Most - most everyone is dead."

I shot a glance over at Kefka, who looked quite pale and watched the soldier fixedly without blinking.

"Yes," The emperor said gravely. "Anyone in particular that I should know about?"

"Marcus Gilfiroyd, sir. He has been killed."

Many gasps emitted from our table, one commander gasped. "No, not him."

"Troops have followed us here," the soldier continued. "I barely made it… ahead of them… They come to kill - your highness. General Leo is – alive - but under their custody. S - someone… must… save… Leo." With that, the soldier collapsed on the floor.

The maid returned with the nurse, whom quickly, with Nicodemus' help, transported the injured soldier to the hospital.

A commander of which I recognized to have worked under Leo many times, spoke out, "Your majesty, they are coming. Shall I prepare a counter attack?"

The emperor, seeming to have snapped out of a daze, nodded. "Yes, close the gates to Vector, and have our men ready outside to fire.

"Yes, your majesty."

"Send a few Magitek Suits out there as well. Can't be too careful."

The commander gathered a few men that were in the room and left.

Kefka looked back and forth from me, to Cid, and then Emperor Gestahl. He then, as if making up his mind, set his napkin aside and began to make his way to the emperor.

"Your highness - do I have your permission to go searching for Leo?"

I sat up straighter, my mouth gaping, wanting so bad to shout "no!" at him. The emperor debated his offer.

"Yes, yes," he replied distractedly, running his fingers through his hair. "Yes, you're probably the only one who can get through their defenses. Take as many means as you will need, just bring Leo back alive."

Kefka nodded, and then went over to me.

"Let me come too," I demanded, standing up. Kefka gently pushed me back down by my shoulders and shook his head.

"Not this time, Celes. It's too dangerous. It'll be putting yourself and me into danger if you went. No, let me go alone. I'll be alright, I can promise you that."

Leo had promised me the very same thing.

He ran a finger across me cheek, nodded when Cid asked him if he was sure that he would be alright, and then quickly made his way out of the banquet hall.

I felt at a loss. I hardly even noticed that the banquet had continued, and all of the gossip about what could've possibly happened in Doma to cause such an uproar that they killed Gilfiroyd and took hostage of Leo. I hardly noticed when Cid led me back to our place, when he told me everything would be okay, and when he patted me on the head, in the very same way that he used to when I was a little girl.

I couldn't sleep that night, as my thoughts had constantly drifted off to the two people I had cared about more than anyone. For all I knew, the two of them could be dead and then I'd be even more at an eternal loss than I was now. I knew that I just couldn't make it without them.

~(*)~

Kefka had returned the following evening, along with a crew that supported Magitek Armor suits and a very injured Leo. However, Leo did indeed survive, after a very slow recovery. He told us that Gilfiroyd been challenged by Cyan Garramonde, the retainer of the Doman throne, and Cyan, being a highly skilled swordsman that Gilfiroyd was not, took his life. Leo, seeing that fighting on would be a lost cause and only more soldiers would lose their lives, he surrendered. Hence is why he had been taken into hostage. He apologized profusely that he wasn't able to attend my knighting ceremony, and Kefka told him with a laugh that he really didn't miss much. Wish I could've found that funny.

Emperor Gestahl was greatly affected by the loss of his prime minister, and it took him quite some time to come up with a replacement. Kefka came to me one day, simply stunned with amazement, and told me that he had been nominated for the position!

"But why?" I had asked him, and then added quickly. "It's not that you don't deserve the job. Its just that… well…"

Kefka nodded.

"I know what you're trying to say. With my instability, I hadn't thought he'd choose me either. But I think somehow my magic outweighed the risk."

Shortly after becoming a Magitek Knight, things went from bad to worse. I was quickly raised within ranks. After a year, I was made a General. Nicodemus had sadly passed away a year after my knighting ceremony, and Leo wouldn't manage being the only general alone, so Emperor Gestahl had chosen me. I had begun to think the emperor had a very ill taste in whom he chose for leading positions.

Kefka's condition quickly began to worsen, I had no idea that within just a couple of short years after that night of my ceremony that I wouldn't recognize him anymore. He had become that new, psychopath maniac that needed to be let off of the empire immediately and into a mental institution, where he would be locked up with locks that he couldn't melt and kept good and far away from anyone he could harm. But to my amazement, the emperor did none of those things. In fact, he let him stay on as part of the imperial government! He did take away his position as prime minister, however, and simply never chose another one, saying he didn't need one anymore. Instead, he reduced Kefka to a court mage. I initially thought he'd be furious about this, but to my astonishment, he seemed rather delighted! His style began to change as well. Day by day, he appeared more and more to me as a clown, and someone so different. He was _not_ the Kefka that I had known. He simply hated me too, and tried whenever he got the opportunity to get me in trouble and sacked. What I had found so interesting was that Kefka had told me bits about his dreams, and how a sinister clown was trying to overpower him and control his thoughts, his actions, his soul… I felt as if this were the clown Kefka had been talking about, and I had felt so sorry for him.

The loss of Kefka was very hard on me, I think through all of that I had lost apart of myself. Apart that would never shine again.

We all know what had happened after this point. It has been recorded in many history books and is now the story of the century. Emperor Gestahl had a thirst for power, and wanted to rule the world using Esper's powers to do so. He created a huge war, one that was just as big, f not more devastating than the war of the Magi. Leo had fallen from honor, and had been lied to and deceived by the emperor. Leo had never wanted to harm people just for power and greed, he only had done so believing there was great good for everyone if he had. It is with deep regret that I have to say that Kefka was the one who ended Leo's life tragically short.

At this point, I had turned my back on the empire for good and had received a death penalty of my own. That is when I met Locke Cole, a member of the only resistance group; The Returners. I tried to refuse his help. I wanted nothing to do with his optimistic smile, his contagious laughter and most of all, that detested resistance group. But in the end, he saved me, and I did indeed become a member of the Returners.

A dark age fell over our world for a time, after Kefka himself murdered the emperor and began to rule the world. By this time he had all of the powers of every Esper combined, and he was virtually invincible to anyone who opposed him. His goal was to create a monument to non-existence, or to re-phrase that, he wanted to destroy every hope, life, and dream.

Only us, the Returners, were left to stop him. To restore the world to it's original state.

This was twenty years ago. The world had been saved, and peace had been restored once more. I became a ballet dancer and performed in operas for a time, until I had retired and happily married Locke and had two children. I did indeed reach my dream after all, and that so called 'fate' didn't do me in. But, as happy as I was with my current life at last, I could never, ever forget the people I had lost to get here, and how much they had all sacrificed for me. Especially Kefka. He had been the one who gave me the courage that my dreams did not have to end in vain, that I could reach them if I truly tried, and had even nearly helped me to escape. I finally have become stable enough to retell all of these events to you, as for so long I didn't have to strength to bear thinking of it.

Kefka, you will always, always have a special place in my heart, a place that no one could ever take.


End file.
